Arrested Development: Race to the Edge (of Hiccups Sanity)
by Amithedragontrainer
Summary: the story of a normal Viking outpost team that was slowly losing their minds, and the one future chief who had no choice but to keep them all together


_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello, everyone. I have severe writer's block. This is the only thing that I could produce. Please let me know via reviews whether I should continue this at all. Arrested Development is my favorite show. HTTYD is my favorite movie. Let's get down to business (or not).**_

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**Hiccup Haddock was fed up with the twins' rampant enthusiasm for destruction.**

**"**H-hey, guys," Hiccup said, awkwardly resting his elbow on the door frame, leaning into it, and then realizing how weird and uncomfortable that position was. He straightened out and huffed, folding his arms in front of him. "Remember that conversation we had? About how you guys need to stop setting things on fire?"

Ruffnut, loading another set of matches into her belt, and Tuffnut, blowing on the tip of one of his dreads (which was unsurprisingly on fire), looked up at his figure in their always open front door. "Like it was yesterday!" Tuff chuckled.

Hiccup cleared his throat. "It was this morning."

The twins hummed before returning to their work. The fire traveled a little further into Tuff's hair. Hiccup could now smell the burnt hair from the doorway.

His brow dropped. "I'm cutting you off."

Their gazes shot to him again. "Hiccup!" Ruff gasped.

"You haven't heard _why _we're setting everything on fire," Tuff insisted, dropping his now forgotten but still flaming dread to his side.

"I'd love to hear it."

Ruff flung matches across the floor as she spread her hands out in front of her, an imaginary image somehow appearing before her face. "We're calling it _intervention remodeling_."

"Hiccup, O One-Legged Master of Scaly Pestilences," Tuff said, stepping forward to rest an elbow on Hiccup's shoulder, "the decor on this island… well… it's no longer acceptable."

"Very last season." Ruff grimaced solemnly.

"A scourge on our image," Tuff added.

"A horrible anachronism in our progressive agenda," Ruff emphasized.

Hiccup pulled back from Tuff and began to sputter. "Wh-what are you- I don't- lighting everything on fire is not a good solution for anything!"

It was at this moment that Snotlout strolled into the view of the door frame, his solid figure blocking the light. "Ah, yes, here comes the mid-morning conniption from Hiccup, right on time!"

Hiccup swung his head to glare over his shoulder. "Snotlout, what are you doing up here? Today you're scheduled to patrol the island and check our defense systems!"

Snotlout flexed his fingers to inspect his nailbeds. "Already done."

**Snotlout had in fact not done anything this morning, other than stopping by Astrid's hut to romantically proposition her for the third time that week.**

_An axe rammed itself into the so rudely flung open front door of Astrid's hut, and Snotlout burst through the doorway and launched himself off the platform and onto the ever-patient back of Hookfang. The viking ducked as a small dagger went flying over his head. As he took off, eyes wide, Astrid stomped out of her hut._

_"Snotlout, you [BLEEP]ing son of a [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP]ing [BLEEEEEEEEEEEP]!"_

**He was now actively avoiding Astrid for fear of death.**

Hiccup dipped his head to offer a more stern and certainly doubtful stare in Snotlout's direction. Snotlout, as was his gift in life, ignored Hiccup.

"Snotlout."

"Whaaaa?" Snotlout finally decided to make eyecontact. His shoulders dropped. "Fine." He spun and marched off, calling over his shoulder, "You're my second-favorite Haddock!"

"I can live with that."

He turned his attention back to the twins. Tuffnut had refocused on his fiery dread, now a large flame halfway up the strands and inching toward his skull. He swung it in front of his face, eyes half-lidded from boredom.

"Guys."

He received two replies of a synchronized dull "Hmmm?"

"No more fire."

The pair exchanged unimpressed looks. "We'll keep it in consideration," Tuffnut acquiesced. He spat at the fire. Somehow, it extinguished.

"So. Hiccup." Ruffnut began gathering her matches. "What's your plan?"

"My plan?"

"Hiccup." Tuffnut tried to position his elbow back on Hiccup's shoulder.

Hiccup evaded him. "That is my name, yes."

Tuffnut decided on placing one hand on the wall behind Hiccup and leaning in. "We understand that denial is the first step of attraction-"

"I think that's grief, actually-"

Tuffnut ignored him and continued. "But it's time to embrace the traditional masculine ideals of our culture and simply admit to Astrid how you really feel about her." He chuckled. "Emotional vulnerability, my man."

"How I feel about…"

Ruff sighed and flipped her braids behind her head as she bent down to pinch another fallen match between her fingernails. "You're in love with her."

Hiccup huffed and sputtered, looking around wildly at nothing in particular. "I'm not- when have I ever said that?"

_Hiccup, flung out on Toothless' back as they watched the stars: "I'm in love with Astrid."_

_Hiccup, hanging from a tree branch, swinging his body to avoid a hoarde of Outcast arrows, and reminiscing on his life: "I'm in love with Astrid."_

_Hiccup, as he sat up in bed after a dream crafted in his subconscious: "I'm in love with Astrid."_

_Hiccup, drunk off his [BLEEP], staring into his mug during a stormy night in the main hall of Berk: "I'm in loveeee withhhAstriddd."_

_Hiccup, staring into the fire of Berk's forge: "I'm in love with-"_

_"Astrid," Gobber finished, scrubbing at a Zippleback's sooty teeth. "We all know."_

Ruffnut hummed. "At least once."

Tuffnut frowned as his gaze drifted up to search through his memory. "Actually, I don't recall him saying it."

Ruffnut swung her hips. "It's the body language."

Tuff nodded sharply. "Ah, of course, right as usual, Sister Dearest."

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**_To be continued?_**


End file.
